I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
