America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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