It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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