the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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