I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
