Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
