i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
