i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
