that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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