My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
