Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
