She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
