if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
