There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
