Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
