I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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