just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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