Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
