you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
