I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I want a musical about memes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
