She is in my trunk
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
