3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this boner is exhausting
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
