how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize