So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
