I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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