I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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