some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
