He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
