TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
