My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
