So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize