Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
