This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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