While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
