did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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