She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
