how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
