In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
