First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
