i barfeds in our rink
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
