Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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