what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
