I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
