I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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