i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
