my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
me + whiskey = a bad person
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
