Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
