Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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