i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
