she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
