You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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