I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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