I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
