There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
