did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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