We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
