I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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