And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
