and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
