The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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