Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
