Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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