wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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