I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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