I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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