i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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