im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
