Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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