the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
nutella sex= disaster
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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