how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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