Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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