i just had sex bonerless
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I would fuck him just for his dog
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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